Thirteen and Three (Episode One)

Thirteen and three.

If there is one comment I get a lot, it’s,  “Wow, your kids are 13 and 3? Ten years apart?  That’s such a big gap!”  Because child-bearing is such a touchy issue, I usually like to put people at ease and give them the information they want without putting them in the uncomfortable position of having to point-blank ask me, or ask someone else.

These are my responses:

Rob and Charlotte looking alike.

1)  “I know, 10 years.  Crazy, right?  And even crazier?  It’ s the same father for both kids.”

Everyone thinks I’m on my second marriage.  I’m not, but hey, that  is often the case with two kids who are so far apart in age and I’m not judging.  But I’m kind of proud of the fact that my husband and I have been married for *537 years (*possible exaggeration) so I try not to get defensive.  Besides, it’s kind of obvious,  my older girl, Charlotte “looks like Rob spit her out”–as someone once said in reference to how much they look-alike–so he is CLEARLY her father.

Beatrix, on the other hand, is the “spitting image” (more spitting imagery) of me with light hair, so I sometimes tell people I had an affair with a Norwegian soldier during Fleet Week.  It’s not true, but it’s fun for me to watch people’s reactions.  I usually tell them I’m kidding.  Usually.

2)  “Beatrix was actually planned, and was not an “oops” baby.”

This clarification became a part of the list because one of the first people I told that I was pregnant was Rosie O’Donnell’s brother Ed.  Okay, maybe I need to explain that.   I was under an option contract with KidRo, Rosie’s company, for my book (see side bar if you don’t know that I wrote a book, Oh! And an “option contract” means they owned the rights to the story to sell for TV or film).  Back to Ed, I felt it was important he knew I was pregnant in case anything happened with the option and I was needed to, oh I don’t know, fly to LA to “take a meeting with a network” (this never happened but was very fun to think about, despite the pretentiousness of saying “take a meeting”).  Ed’s reaction to my pregnancy news was a quick retort, “Oh, so, is this a margarita baby?”  Having no idea what he meant but being a lover of Mexican food (especially when pregnant), I was instantly intrigued and salivating yet nauseous (welcome to pregnancy).    He explained that a couple he knew went out for Mexican,  had too much to drink, and the 9-month-later result of their debauchery was what they lovingly referred to as a “margarita baby”.  I let him know there was no margarita involved in the making of this baby.  Based on Ed’s story,  I did entertain the name Margarita Meffe for a while, along with Crystal Meffe (say it out loud, Meffe rhymes with Jeff) while  Rob pushed for triplets named Steph, Jeff and Beth Meffe.

3)  “No, there will not be another baby in 10 years.”

I was pregnant for my 30th birthday and pregnant for my 40th birthday, so I am planning a blowout drunken brawl for when I turn 50.  Drugs, booze, sexcapades, the works.  One small note, I do fantasize about making a lot of money and adopting a little boy…..but as

The letters of the day are B and C.

Rob likes to say that if I do that I will be doing it alone (but, to be fair,  he also says that about getting a dog, and I will eventually win that argument.  Current dream dog—Goldendoodle)  Dogs and adoptions aside, I’d never get pregnant again, let alone at 50, despite Kelly Preston making it look like it’s no biggie to have a kid at any age.  I’m not trying it, thank you very much.

The real story of how Beatrix Jane Meffe actually came to exist in the world is a story that was written, directed and stars a precocious 9-year-old, named Charlotte Meffe.  I’ve decided to break this story into episodes because I was recently informed that people are more likely to read short blog posts that are posted regularly (Thank you, Brynn).  So, even though it is “My Own Space”, and I like to write in big chunks (I’m used to writing chapters because I write books), dear reader, I will break it into installments for you.  We’ll call them episodes, just so it sounds fun and feels more like a TV show.

(Insert catchy and fabulous TV theme song here).

Episode One

There is a really famous bookstore in Manhattan called The Strand.  You might remember it from a Woody Allen movie called Hannah and Her Sisters (Note the use of Sisters–which is foreshadowing for those of you reading this for college credit).  The Strand is on Broadway in the East Village, just south of Union Square.  Basically, the cool part on New York.  (Read-not where I live.) It’s far and a little hard to get to, so I don’t go very often.  That said, it is important for you to know one very important fact.

Beatrix was conceived in the children’s section at The Strand.

Don’t get nervous, this isn’t the story of a tryst with a Norwegian sailor at The Strand.

To read the next blogisode of this series, go here: http://wp.me/p1zRyr-1T

The scene of the crime.

About Sharon Wheatley

Mother of Charlotte and Beatrix. Sometimes an actress. Sometimes a writer. I'm glad you're here.
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5 Responses to Thirteen and Three (Episode One)

  1. Love it! Can't wait until the next episode. I am a mother to 3 daughters and a son – and EVERY person, friend or stranger comments "oh, so you kept trying for that boy." As if the 2 sweet girls in the middle were a disappointment of some kind. I've never been bold enough to share my clever responses, but you inspire me. Jackie

  2. Mary Jo says:

    AND I KNOW WHAT'S COMING NEXT!!! THIS IS GREAT SHARON.

  3. Stacey R. says:

    I love it. I get weird looks too when I tell people that I have 3 boys ages 6, 7 and 19.

  4. Jana Jeanne says:

    The next episode?Oh my goodness!We”ve got episode”s over here in my home like labor pains.With little break in between.I do think I may feel somewhat like you may have Sharron,except kind of an opposite type situation.You see I have five children.One being the middle child(turned 13 yesterday)(a girl)my oldest is 19(boy)17(boy)then a bit of a gap I had my third boy 4 years after my first girl.Had my last child at the age of 30.Actually two day”s after my birthday!She’s my Clover and she looks just like me!She’s 7.My kid”s obviously have different Father”s.People don”t trip on asking the question that I feel a little ashamed to answer,”How many different Father’s do your children have?”Nobody has ever shown judgement twords me at least I don’t think so.They all have different Fathers.I used to think if I had atleast 2 by the same Daddy i’d feel better.But I can care less.I’ve been doing it by myself for almost 20 years now. I am the Parents!The big Brother.Not very good at being a bid Sister tho.Kinda a tomboy.But damn i’m hot!Those teenagers are sooooo hard!They are absolutley running me into the ground!I’m really feeling old all of a sudden.I mean my body,whew!Maybe I should give up skateboarding,jumping bikes,and bangin’ on the drums.But its so fun!I have house work,beating feet around town to appointments,walking or riding to teacher confrences.(if there’s a working)The teen boys have bikes but their friends and them will ride em till they don’t ride anymore.Then the bikes sit and sit and sit.But I need some transportation,so I work on these bikes.Have been for 4 years now.Now check this out…..as soon as the bikes are on the road me and the little two babies are ridin’ …..for a minute……turn my head and the bikes are gone again!Then a few couple weeks go by and I got bikes with flat tubes,blown tires,bent cranks,barrings..none.They must figure there’s a fixit bike fairy.So smart yet so damn lazy.I am always complemented by all on how respectful and chilax my kids are.”I did’nt know you were Lucas’and Logan’s Mom”.But the treat me like sh*t.And i’m so good to them.Their so open with me.Well the boys are.My 13 year old girl scares the hell out of me!The people out their scare me for her.She’s not very open with me.I do my best and give it my all!Hey guy’s guess what,I am still kickin’ and have some sanity to be here still.I love my dear Lord so very deeply and sincerely because he loved me first is the only reason why I am here today with some courage,strength,wisdom,understanding,compassion,and piece of mind and sanity.God and Jesus loves us!Smile!

  5. Karen says:

    I loved this episode and will be back to read part 2. You are amazingly funny and as the mother of children 10 years apart…love the story. My first husband had two children….who remarkably look like me. We had one…who looks like me as well. Second husband had a daughter…who is my daughters age…and they favor. It is amazing.
    We get comments all the time and it is fun to watch peoples reactions.

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