I Wish I Could Go Back To College (Blogisode Seven)

If you are new to Sharon Wheatley’s blog, welcome!  I write stories in “blogisodes”, and to start at the beginning of this story, go here:  http://wp.me/p1zRyr-j6

Hello Blog friends and welcome to Friday!  I’d like to thank everyone who took the poll

OTHER: "Your child." And, Charlotte Meffe, for the win.

yesterday!  I am still looking at the results as they roll in, although I can already tell you my favorite answer.  The question was “Are you a parent?” and there was a multiple choice yes, no, etc, and space for “OTHER” that could be filled in by the answerer.  Some people put “grandparent” or “not a parent yet!” but the best was, “Your child.”  Thank you to loyal blog reader, Charlotte Meffe.  Turkey.

Now to the other important information, the answer you have all been waiting for and lost sleep over:

Who is the woman in this picture?

Who is she?

The artist formerly known as Beatrix Jane Meffe…and still known as Beatrix Jane Meffe, told me first thing this morning.

Me:  Beaz, who is this in picture?

Beatrix: That’s Mommy and Charlotte and Beatrix.

Me: And who is the boy?

Beatrix (practically rolling her eyes this is such a dumb question):  That’s Daddy.  He’s a little happy.

Me (Noticing some other people in the picture):  So who is this?  (I pointed to the little bald guy.)

Beatrix:  That’s David! (Meaning David Benoit, made famous from the Don’t F%$* With the Pancreas series).

Do you remember David, Mothah Dahling? According to Beatrix he makes the family portrait complete.

I asked about the other people, but she walked away.  Temperamental artists can only answer so many questions in the morning before Mickey Mouse and waffles.

A LITTLE BLOG BUSINESS: A word of warning, as I mentioned, changes are afoot here at My Own Space, as I work towards pleasing a larger audience.  As of 11am this morning, some “happiness engineers” (real title) from WordPress are working on converting things for a 24 hour period….nothing you will notice right away….and they have promised the site will stay “live” the whole time.  That said, if you get here and anything is wonky, let me know and I’ll fire off a not so happy e-mail to the happiness guys.  One of the things that will change is that I have decided to allow advertisers on My Own Space.  I don’t know how fast that happens–I am currently reading books and consulting people about it–but don’t be surprised if you show up and there is a little ad here and there.  As it is now, they are already running ads on my page, and I don’t get any revenue from them, so it won’t be much different, except now I’ll make a half a penny every time you see one.  So thank you in advance for understanding.  END OF BUSINESS.  Today’s blog is extra long to make up for the survey yesterday and all the blog construction talk.   Enjoy.

Moving on.

Oh-so-fun to blog. Photo by Geoffry Wade

Pull out your sorority pin and let’s go back to college.

In a change of format, I am starting with a cliffhanger.  Something happened today that changed the course of this blog series and will make for a sensational ending.  Eeee.  Just fantastic in a I-can’t-make-this-sh&%-up kind of way.  I haven’t been this excited to write something in a long time.  I will not tell you if it is a good thing or a bad thing, just simply that it is worth the wait.  Because it is fun to torture you.

Update:  No potty training accidents today, unless you count the one where she put the potty on the couch and sat on it and peed.

And then knocked it over. On the couch.

I just had to stop typing for a minute.  Just thinking about it wore me out (again).  I’m certain–CERTAIN–that if I get advertisers on this blog the first company to sign up will be a spot cleaning product.  Probably for pets.  I hope they send me a case, because I need it.  Along with a new couch.

We’ll never have house guests again because of this blog.  Other people keep these things secret.

Moving on.

We left off with the unfortunate business of looking at my transcript from CCM.  Correct?

The fear my transcript caused.

It was two days ago, but my guess is you remember.  I thought it was only a few classes I’d missed–but no.  It was more.  It was a mess.  A wreck.  No one wanted to get near it with a ten foot pole.  Picture the film Contagion, that was the reaction to my transcript.  There were all kinds of issues–some as simple as Pace University is on a “semester” system, while The University of Cincinnati is on a “quarter” system (I think they are in the process of changing this) so it was difficult to even understand how the credits might match up.  57 thousand two hunded and ninety two  phone calls later, I got two people on the horn in the same day and figured out that the algorithm for semester to quarter needs an advanced math degree, but–AHA–it is possible.  That’s all I needed to hear.  It is possible.

Character breakdown (Or can be referred to as the people I almost gave a breakdown.)

Wait.

Before I really get into this, should I do a cast of characters for this?  Is it going to help?  I don’t want you to feel lost like it’s a Dicken’s novel or something.  That’s no fun.

Here’s our cast so far (major players).

The main character, some might call the villain coming to cause chaos after a 20 year absence is, of course, me…the 42-year-old co-ed.

In the Pace University camp we have:

Julianna Margolis will play the role of Amy Rogers in the film version of this story.

AmyRogers:  The head of the Musical Theater program at Pace.  You might remember her from former fame in the Don’t F&*$ With the Pancreas Saga.  She is also my Sister Wife and (basically) Rob’s boss.  Key role in this story: She served as my adviser as I tried to figure what the hell to take that might transfer FROM Pace INTO CCM to get that little piece of paper with the initials BFA.  Amy and I discussed it and decided it was not a good idea for me to transfer to Pace and get my degree

Bonnie Franklin will play the role of Nicki Foster

from there.  It would take even longer because Pace requires more academics than UC did at the time when I went there.

Nicki Foster:  The guru with the power to make things happen at the last minute.  I don’t

know what her official title is. Her key role in the story: She is fantastic and works on the administrative side of things and saved my hide several times as I tried to apply and register way, way, way past deadlines.

In the CCM (University of Cincinnati College Conservatory of Music) Camp we have:

James Lipton will put on his best South African/British accent and play Aubrey Berg

Aubrey Berg: The head of the Musical Theater program at CCM.  Fun fact:  I was part of the Freshman class that auditioned Aubrey when he was applying for the job.  That small group of people has the unique distinction of being able to say, “I didn’t audition for Aubrey, he auditioned for us.”  Which doesn’t mean much, but it’s fun to say because Aubrey is a bit famous in the Musical Theater college world.  We’ve known each other for 25 years and we still have meals and coffee together as often as we can.  Key Role In The Story:  There’s no way around this.  Aubrey had all the power to make this degree thing happen.

Geoffey Rush plays Terrell Finney

Terrell Finney:  Terrell is the head of the Opera/Musical Theater/Drama and Arts Administration department (I think that’s right) and he is also–conveniently–the current head of Academic Affairs.  Which makes him powerful and thank god he likes me.  Key Role in the Story: He sent out numerous e-mails to retired professors to get grades updated and took paperwork to committee for me.  Whew.

Patti and Dee

A few people I don’t know personally from CCM, but worked long and hard (and answered the bulk of the e-mails)–Dee Macke in admissions and Patti Rencher as Academic Advisor.

Now that you see the number of people involved–and they ALL played a major hand in getting this massive finish-the-degree ball rolling, you can imagine my trepidation as I called in favor after favor in two different schools to.  All this work–all these favors mean I was going to have to actually enroll and go. One thing that fueled my fear was an e-mail from Aubrey just before school started asking if he needed to remind me about “sticktuitiveness” because that was something I’d been missing.  That’ll make ya nervous.   Would I still be the horrible, class-dropping student from days gone by?  As my anxiety mounted and I tried to fall asleep at night I’d remind myself that I’d actually learned to complete things as an adult.  I’d tick them off like sheep jumping a fence.

I was still married.

I had two children and no child protective services had been called in.

I’d never been fired or been late or missed a show because I felt like watching TV instead.

Oh!  I’d written a BOOK (a lot like school work) and there had been deadlines and word counts and editors (a lot like a teacher) and no one had asked if I had enough sticktuitiveness.

IN FACT, a couple of people looked to me as a sort-of smart person who managed to do a lot at a time.

And, I was able to update my Facebook status everyday without missing a beat.

Surely the Facebook thing ALONE proved that I would excel as a successful student.

Looking at the class roster was an amazing moment.  Suddenly, I had 18 credit hours at my

Excited but praying for sticktuitiveness.

disposal, and I could take any class I wanted.  Unlike 1990, I did not gravitate to the “what’s an easy A” class.  Instead, I found myself fascinated by all the things I could learn.  As an adult I’d come to realize that there are huge gaps in my knowledge.  I love smart people, but after a while, I can’t keep up in the conversation, and that is really frustrating.  Like in politics.  I remember one long car ride when Rob taught me all the branches of government and what each duty did. Sometimes he would tell me about his favorite Supreme Court decisions.  He’d let me to pepper him with questions, and never asked how I didn’t know all this stuff a fourth grader knows.  He’s good that way.  As I looked at the classes offered, I realized that they were all like taking a long car ride with Rob.  Plus term papers and final exams.

I started to get really excited.  The question was, would I stay excited?

(To read the next blogisode in this series, go here: http://wp.me/p1Uqfn-m1)

Can’t wait to read more?  Read one of the completed stories.  Go here to start: http://wp.me/p1zRyr-1W

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